Why Can't I Move On?

Recently, a theme appeared in my office.

“Everyone is telling me I need to move on. “ “They want me to get over it.” “I feel bad talking about it anymore with my friends.” “I feel like I’m supposed to just let it go and act like it didn’t even happen and I can’t do it.”

The problem is not you. People tell friends or family to “move on” or “let it go” for reasons that have nothing to do with the person they are talking to and everything to do with themselves.

Here’s the reason why they say it:

They are uncomfortable with your feelings. They may want to fix it, but they can’t so they just want your feelings to go away. This is not about you or your inability to move on. It’s about their own discomfort with difficult emotions.

If you’re feeling stuck and unable to move on, getting support from friends, family or a therapist can help. If it’s trauma that keeps you stuck, EMDR can be life-changing. But sometimes the pace of our healing does not align with other peoples’ comfort or expectations and that’s okay.

Heal at your own pace. There’s nothing wrong with it. There’s nothing wrong with you.

You’ll move on when you’re ready.